you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
