His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I am one with the molecules
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
And then he peed in my hair
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