I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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