I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
