So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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