We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
