i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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