I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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