Screwed.edu
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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