Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize