whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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