Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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