u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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