i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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