I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
