ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
