now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
