she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
