i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
