He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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