Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
