I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
