He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
