I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
