Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
