i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
