We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
