Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
