hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
