there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
