Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A+ Viking dick
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