I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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