"it" just moved
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
