just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I need moral support for this bender
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
