When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
