DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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