Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
