i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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