I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
