Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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