whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
