just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
