I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
