ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
