Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
