What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
