if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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