He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
