I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We just shotgunned beers for America
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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