I swear she didn't look like that last week.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
