that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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