My balls are so social today.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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