My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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