Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
