It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
