He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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