The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
