We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
