hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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