Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
