Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
